Confirmation

So tell me is this real
Am I the one you want to feel
Do I keep you up at night
Just thinking about the times
So if you jump I won’t look back
Or the miss the things we had
Cause we know, this is better

I'll wait for you tonight
To take my hand by the fireside
But if your nerves get to you
It's okay I can see straight through to
What you really want
I hope it's everything I've got
Maybe I can give you more
Than this, cheesy song

So tell me is this real
Am I the one you want to feel
Do I keep you up at night
Just thinking about the times
So if you jump I won’t look back
Or the miss the things we had
Cause we know, this is better

We like to go on dates
No I won't let you pay
Instead we'll watch the sunset
Your smile makes it all worth it
When it's time I dunno what to say
Let's just keep these things this way
It all seems almost perfect
A pair like us deserves it

So tell me is this real
Am I the one you want to feel
Do I keep you up at night
Just thinking about the times
So if you jump I won’t look back
Or the miss the things we had
Cause we know, this is better

Red Lipstick Kind of Night

The ground is moving beneath me
I'd like to think it's you breathing
It keeps me kinda sane
It keeps my mind from misleading
My heart and it's wishes
I just want your kisses
The time I spend with you
Is time I find myself speechless
So why change something good?
I'd say we're pretty damn great
And as long as you're here
Our plans just can't wait

We've got our dreams
We've got the stars
And I know
You see them where you are
If you want it to be
Then I want you to be with me
We'll both be golden
We'l sing 'til we know it
I can see
You're the only one I need

You give me all that you can
You can be my second chance
And I can be the one
Who leads your heart with your hand
Just let me figure it out
You'll never have any doubts
In fact I think I know
I've got a plan right now
I'll take you to dinner
Somewhere nice by the water
We'll sit and we'll talk
With that smile on your face
The sun sets through the buildings
This city is living
We'll get lost in the atmosphere
The flashing lights our chandelier

We've got our dreams
We've got the stars
And I know
You see them where you are
If you want it to be
Then I want you to be with me
We'll both be golden
We'l sing 'til we know it
I can see
You're the only one I need

Don't Let Your Cheese Get in the Way of My Dreams

We sleep too long on these summer days
The SoCal air is my Novocain
I'm hiding from home to forget what I want
It's self-induced thoughts that cause the most harm
Cause I'm out 'til the morning I sleep until noon
It's the best way I know to avoid all of you
I'm sick and tired of the shit that surrounds me here
I'm not afraid of you I'm just afraid of fear

Get up, get up
And break down your reasoning
This is, is not
The way that it needs to be

You live your life with a hint of regret
While I'm trying to forget the things that you said
Vacations nothing more than a place
That I go to to try to replace
The things I hate I have to live with
But there's no escape I always miss
All the things I think I know
The same reasons I keep my head low
If I've learned one thing it's you learn from things
If you never move on then you'll never be free

Drain

You take a step forward
Once again and your back
The bottles on the counter
With a lime in your hand
You think it's kind of cute
As everyone cheers
Plan your next move
And forget why you're here
Stumble to the floor
And he meets you there
The room starts to spin
As he touches your hair
The noises from the hall
Aren't enough to stop it
Both your lips touch
Too drunk not to want it

You see him standing
At the top of the stairs
You're at the bottom
Wishing you didn't care
About the way he felt
Pressed up against you
Exchanging body heat
In an empty room
Now the music gets louder
And it's harder to breathe
You're pacing back & forth
But not ready to leave
You fall onto the floor
And you're kissing again
You start and you stop
But you always give in

He touches your lips
And you both become silent
No one on the outside
Seems to know that you're hiding
They can never know
They can never learn
What happened that night
Or how the tables have turned
It was nothing but a hookup
Just a drunken mistake
But he feels something that
Confuses you in a way
It's only natural to want
What we know we can't have
He knows you're leaving soon
And that love would be bad

I'm Ridiculous

I guess I'l just start. I'm not really sure who I'm writing to, or for what reason. I just know it's something I should do. The last week has easily been the weirdest yet greatest, smoothest yet most difficult time of my entire life. And, of course, I don't want to blame you. It's not your fault, or your problem really. It's me. And it's mine.

I like you, a lot, in many ways. I believe you're a good person. I also know how impossible I am. I don't know how you feel, and I never really did. Therefore, all of of my beliefs, thoughts, and actions, were based on assumptions. But I think wrapping your arm around someone and holding their hand is pretty damn convincing sign that you like them. Regardless, I freaked you out. I tend to to do that; I push away the good things that come into my life.

There really is something you should know, though. I guess it won't matter now, but the words in that book, they shouldn't be taken seriously. Sure, they mean something. They mean a lot, especially to me. But, it's fiction. They're just based on how I feel. As an "artist" (and I use that term very loosely, because I feel stupid saying it) I build these stories out of what's going on in my life and my emotions at the time. I can write this totally unreal song about doing this insane things, doesn't mean I would ever even think about doing them. Unfortunately, those songs I wrote about you were extremely, um, passionate. I wouldn't say I was obsessed with you by any means, but I was loving what was happening. I was becoming friends with this cute, cool girl and she inspired me to write music. So yeah, I wrote some sappy love songs about you. Anyone who gets close to me usually gets a song about them, somehow. It's just the way I am. I'm sorry I don't come with a disclaimer or a warning, maybe I should. Either way, I should've told you that from the beginning. But no, I was proud of my work and you seemed intrigued. What could go wrong, right? I mean, they're quality songs. But obviously you didn't understand where I was coming from. And rightfully so, I wouldn't have either.

I guess I just wish it wouldn't have happened the way it did. I wish you would've said something about it, or I would've asked about why you were acting differently.

Want to know the worst part about all of it? I feel the same way you do. I understand where you're at with your life. I know it's got to be rough, and I wouldn't want to put anything on you that you couldn't handle. I like taking things slow. I want to. I just wanted to be in your life. I would be whatever you needed me to be. And things would be lovely.

Unfortunately, taking it anywhere doesn't seem like much of an option now.

But that's alright. Live and let die, and learn. I feel like I deserved much of what happened. I grew from it. I know myself better, I have a tighter grasp on my lifestyle and mindset. I'm a musician. I'm always going to take more from people I come into contact with than I could ever give back to them. It's sad, but not really at all. I sacrifice what I want for what I love. I want you, but I love my art and expression.

And if you're not willing to want me, I can't let that bother me. Ever. Because I will always feel the way I feel, there's nothing you can say or do to change that. As long as I have those emotions, I can put them into something tangible to others I know that's what I want to do with my life and how I want to live it.

As for you, of course I don't expect to hear from or see you again; as much as I want to. I'm sure I'm the last thing you expected to come into your life. And now, I'm sure I'm the last thing you want in your life.

I'm also a little melodramatic bitch, but that's probably part of my personality, too. I'll write a song about it or something.

I write music.

It's what I do.

I write how I feel.

I write about how other people feel.

I don't think about consequences.

I've never had any.

Until now.

But I don't regret it.

Why?

Because my art and my music will always be my number one.

No relationship, no girl, no single thing will ever come before that.

Writing music gives me a feeling that nothing else has ever given me.

I'm not going to change that for anyone.

If what I write bothers you or confuses you, I'm sorry.

But learn that it's just words.

Yeah, they mean something, but they're passion, not action.

I write fiction based on my life.

Creative imagination.

I can't except anyone except for myself to understand that.

Home For The Heart

How the does it feel to know that you fucked everything up?

I haven't felt this way in a long time

And all I wanted was for you to be mine

What they say about the past is true

It will always come back to haunt you

I tried to move all the right ways

Thought of the perfect things to say

You tore down the walls around me

And opened me up by surrounding

My heart and mind

With conscious things

It's all my fault

I'm trying to see

It's only that kind of feeling

You get when you know someone is worth needing

So call it whatever you want

I don't think I'm clingy at all

I should just forget you forever

With all the memories together

I'm just a boy

Who's wandering

While his heart

Yearns to see

I'll admit I made a mistake

In letting you in while I break

Apart every piece of you

In this book that holds the truth

The penned ink on these pages

Reveals who I am and I hate it

It's all my fault

I let it be

You've got bigger plans

That I'll never see

I think it's fair to say that I've lost

The chances I was given

To be my very best

But now I'm going to where home isn't

I know I'd like to call this art

But it's really only pain

To sit and watch life pass

While I'm stuck here day by day

I'd like to think I'm better off

Cause we wouldn't even last

But now as we being our descent

I wouldn't mind, if we, crash

I'll cry in my corner if you stay in yours

Fuck it. Fuck it all.

I don't really know how to feel or what to think about the whole situation.

I really just want to take what I have now and forget it.

I'm pretty sure you're not worth it.

The worst part about all this is that it's a complete miscommunication.

But, no one said anything so it stayed that way.

And now it's escalated to a point where I don't have the energy or desire to fix it.

You hate me.

I hate you.

And most of all, I hate myself for doing this.

If the Shoe Fits

It’s not something I asked for

It just kind of happened

I never said I was proud of it

And happy never lasted

Longer than I hoped it would

My lungs gave out before they should

I’m a teenage boy and I have regrets

But our friends don’t need to know that yet

Cause I’m

Fucked up and I know it

It’s not my fault I show it

It’s so much harder to fix something broken

When that thing is you

I had my chance and I blew it

I’d take it back but I’d lose it

Again and again I get knocked down

You pick me up but push me out

So if I keep my head above the air

Will you promise to still be there

I can’t rely on anything but my friends

But if they’re leaving is that consequence

For what I did or is it the way it goes

She’s alright so I don’t know

Why you cried yourself to sleep

When I’m the one who’s incomplete

Cause I’m

Fucked up and I know it

It’s not my fault I show it

It’s so much harder to fix something broken

When that thing is you

I had my chance and I blew it

I’d take it back but I’d lose it

Again and again I get knocked down

You pick me up but push me out

If I try one more time to douse this fire

I’ll probably burn myself with blurred desire

Would it be best to give up now

Or wait until the rain comes down

I hate my friends and I hate my family
I hate everyone around me
They are liars and they are fakes
They can’t love without being two-faced
Sometimes I feel like the only one
I can look in the eyes
Is my reflection in the mirror
And that’s through all the self-composed lies
That you spoke that was slander
That went without notice
Despite nice intentions acting
As disruptions to inevitable danger
That’s all we ever were
That’s all we’ll ever be
The world will no longer float
In such characterized disharmony
It’s an approach to live
An approach to die
An approach to regret
An approach to fly
An airplane without wings
Or an engine that sings
Over oceans and friendly fire
That nonetheless approach with dire
Miscommunication over centuries
That led to desegregation of our enemies
An international congress
A Tower of Babel that prevents progress
In a misguided place filled with
Undesirable tastes
That you can’t swallow
Due to a thirsty excuse for a hollow
Heart guarded by lungs that can
Not only cease to function
But cause error by motion
So dear power
Give us the clues
For this is our hour
To solve the crime that you’ve been hiding
By making masked attempts at trying
While the other guys sit and wait
Watching you instill yourself
In the world of heavyweights
It’s a riddle
You’re a joker
And the page is
Far from over
The heads of millions
Of innocent non-thinkers
Who don’t understand
The concept of a blinker
While you are the reality
Of a brainwashed society
From which there is no escaping
Except by the means of hating